What we can live without as well as what we think we can't:

Only 18 days ago we found out my dad of barely 67 years of age has cancer.
Two days ago we ( I say we because as a family we have all gone through this on some level)  went through surgery removing a large tumor as well as three quarters of my father's lung and his lymph glands with tumors.  We now await results of examining those glands & their tumors to see his next step.  They have also discovered prostate cancer.
I write this and feel so distant to the words, but the reality is that I don't know how long I will have my father with me.  It was hitting me as I washed the day's grime off my face tonight before bed; they removed my dad's glands, I guess he doesn't necessarily need them any more.  Well this is a hard to grab concept.  
I have been traveling to the hospital to see Dad, he had a scary morning today and we thought we lost him, so my time has been re-routed to focus on being available for him and Mom first and all else afterwards.
I write this as I toss around the feeling, the memories that have been flooding and even often intruding on my days lately, and the exhaustion I am experiencing this moment.
I am thankful.
I am thankful for the years I have had a father.
I am thankful for these days of sharing moments with my family and my father.
I am thankful for the influence and legacy left to each of us by my father.
I am thankful for my father's love.


I guess I just wanted to jot down some of these things tossing so restlessly in my thoughts tonight.


thank you for letting me do so.


BettyK

10 Personal safety tips- great for women!

http://powertochange.com/life/personalsafetytips/

yes, it is still a little on my mind...I do think this is a good resource for women to read to feel more prepared though, hope it helps someone out there.
Thanks,

BettyK

Please Be Careful

I had a strange occurance at the grocery store yesterday. 
I was by myself and a little in a rush so sort of distracted when a man approached me and asked if I would buy him some food.  He looked a little lean and rough so I thought he was just down on his luck as they say & needed a little help.  I asked him what he was looking for and he told me some items like beans etc. and I just said why don't I just give him some cash to get what he needs & I just gave him a $10.  He seemed bothered by that but I took it as he was embarassed to take money.  He tried to talk to me a bit, asking what I do and some other questions but I tried to go on my way and told him have a really nice day & moved along.

Before I know it he was in front of me again, asking if I would just take him through the line with him and buy him stuff- I said I was in a hurry & really needed to go, he got a little aggitated again & said "I really want you to just go through the line with me and buy my stuff" then I more firmly said I need to go & this wasn't an option.

I thought I was clear & this was a little strange but wasn't registering to me. Then I get up to the checkout line and as I turn to get my last item he is right there, with others behind him so I think he cut in to get right next to me and he is close enough so it looks like we are together & he starts talking to me of young women being abducted and tortured and many other statements I won't write - then starts telling me something of what he thinks of a woman who would be captured and raped & tortured for days & I am looking to the checkout guy- a very young guy- and I am pleading with him with my eyes for help. 

I acted like I needed to talk to the checkout guy but quickly mention to this man that people who do things like that need Jesus & he sort of takes off & leaves but makes sure he leaves by coming up behind me an 'squeezing' behind my body to get out of the isle. 

As he walks away I ask the store clerk for help & he gets a bigger store clerk with a little more age on him to walk me to my car. I tell him some of what this man was saying so he calls the police- he asks me if I see him and there he was- at the other store exit getting on a 10 speed bike looking over then riding out of the parking lot over to the Taco Bell.  I felt so sick inside- I got in my car, locked my doors & got home.

As I related to my husband what happened I really started to shake & cry, I realized some of the things this guy did- he was trolling for a target.

He had a bottle of mustard in his hand when he approached me and appeared like he was looking for something to purchase in the store so he wouldn't stand out- but when he approached me there were others in my area, 2 couples, and 2 individual men- yet he approached me and when he did he seemed to try to draw me to the side by his manner of talking & movements, placing the mustard on the shelf out of place from another isle, I think he was carrying this because it was small and easy to put away- I wasn't thinking then so I didn't notice.

He was trying to get me to come through the line with him and buy his food because he wanted to follow me out to his car- this took him asking 3 times to do this before I realized why he may want to yet then I still didn't register why he may want to do this.

When he was talking to me as he cornered me at the checkout he seemed like he was really loosing his opportunity with me so he got blantent with his thoughts and said the most uncomfortable & scary things- and seemed like he was trying to find a way to still get me to go out to my car & he get a chance to follow me...I realize as I think through his actions & words I was looking a very dangerous person in the eyes.  I want to caution all of you but also wanted to get a description of him on here in case any of you encounter such a guy.  As I said the store clerk was calling the police but as he was this guy was riding off on a bike and by time they go t there I am sure could have been long gone. 

This was at Giant Market on Columbia ave.  He has brownish hair with a slight dark red tint to it- he had rough sort of burly hair & it was a little to his shoulders, he had a beard and green eyes I believe. He was on the lean side but still strong enough looking, about early to mid 30's I think in age, was hard to tell that. He was wearing a med blue pair pf shorts that were it seems insideout. I think he was also wearing a hat of some sort. He also had a med blue sweatshirt on & was a little dirty looking.

SO I hate to post this but at the same time- I really cannot write how this shook me, I don't want to be dramatic but I feel like I was stalked by a person who intends to or may have already done serious harm.  I am contacting the store today to see how things went with the police and then contacting the police to be sure they have the description of the guy and my statement.

Please be cautious when shopping, lock your car, watch who is around you, try not to go alone esp. towards evening- this was just around 5:30 for me. 

Be aware, be peaceful and stay safe!

BettyK

Being Grateful Drives Away Fear

With Thanksgiving just around the corner and the decorations and music beginning to fill the stores around us it is a little easier to have thoughts of thankfulness and express gratitude.

I was reading a devotional email I get daily today and realized that it was not too long ago that our family was going through such stressful times that I was filled with thoughts of  fear and feelings of overwhelming despair.  I see today the season is fresh and hopeful and I read these tips on keeping fear away by driving it out with gratitude and it is something I want to practice to be prepared. As we all know those seasons can come repeatedly in our lives because it is through those seasons we learn and grow.

I post this to share with you in case you are in a season of fear yourself...in case you are feeling loss or pain and find hope and gratitude a strange thought to grasp.

Look over the tips I have copied from the email I recieved and see if there is something here that can help you today to find strength as you go through your own season.

If you are interested I get these emails from a wonderful site where you can sign up for daily emails and inspirations - they have been so necessary on some days that I have been part of this for almost 2 years now.

http://alivenow.upperroom.org/2011/11/07/gratitude/
I love this description of what they are about you will find on the lower left of their site page ~

Daily life can seem out of control — too busy, noisy, overflowing with demands. Yet we’re called to make room for the Holy. That’s where Alive Now fits in. We’re about helping you make a little space for God in the midst of the chaos. Take 5 minutes — open up a spread in the magazine, light a candle and read today’s email, sit for a few minutes and gaze at a photograph. God is right here ... with you. Nurture your spirit.

Cultivate Gratitude

1. Make a gratitude list. Write down 7-10 things on the list each day. Download a Gratitude app to your mobile device or purchase a blank book specifically for keeping your gratitude list.
2. Say a grace before each meal. Also say a grace before you engage in a new activity.
3. Each time you pick up the phone, receive or send a text, or look at an email or letter, give thanks for that person.
4. If you are struggling with fear, sadness, or hopelessness, stop what you are doing and jot down a list of 5 things for which you are grateful.
5. Say a prayer of thanks at the end of the day.

Enjoy your day, be filled with peace!
BettyK

toxic relationships

We all have an opportunity to develope relationships, sometimes within our own families, that tend to be toxic.  Relationships where there is more tension that peace. Relationships where we find ourselves catering to anothers emotional rollercoaster or mood swings, or just pain demanding nature.
What I realise is that though there are so many people we will cross paths with, though there are so many that we can connect with and that we find ourselves entangled with.  This does not mean it is best to act on these opportunities and be close in these connections.
I am not saying we close the door on those who need a friend, or on those whom we are bound to love through family ties.  I am saying evaluate where your energy is expended in relationships.  Look at how much goes into keeping stability or peace in some, how much is a one-sided effort.  Look and evaluate where you are meant to exhaust your resources or your resources will be sucked away without your realization.
If we take our connections and responsibilities seriously we will want to be faithful in our prioritizing and sharing of our lives as this too is something given to us and entrusted to us to use to it's fullest.
If you have people, or even family menbers in your life that seem to take so much that you have much little left, maybe it is time to see if your giving has been really of anyones benefit and re-direct your focus to another area.
As you evaluate relationships in your own life you can use a similar excercize as the one we did for evaluating your activities.  Take a paper and draw a line down the center- on one side write what you give in a relationship you have in mund.  On the other side list what the other person or people give, and/or areas you have seen them actually benefit or growth from your giving.
As you review this, are you seeing any need to restructure your give and take?
I know there could be underlying issues in our lives that make facing this let alone dealing with this so very difficult.  Please pray for strength to do what you need and get the support of friends as you need to carry through with these changes.  They may be difficult, but oh so rewarding.
On another note, I made some really cool dishtowels today using repurposing skills. I used a cotton tablecloth for the main towel structure then some cool fabric scraps from other products for embelleshment.  I had found this cream colored table cloth on a sale table in a store since it had a clight mark on it.  This project made great use of an otherwise trashed object.
I will post a pick of the towels when I am back on, I think they came out pretty  cool!
take care all,
BettyK